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March 25, 2008

Does anyone else hate that word? Most of the time when single people talk about a soul-mate, they do it with hopeful overtones. “My soul-mate is out there somewhere” or “One day I’ll find him.” How is it that they are able to be so hopeful about such a depressing thing? If there really is only one person out there, in the entire world, who is right for me, why even bother? What are the odds? One in 6.6 billion? Shoot me now!

Believing in soul-mates requires other beliefs as well, it would seem. Say you believe that there is one person out there for you. What if that person marries someone else? What if they die in a freak accident? Is that it? Are you screwed? No one thinks about these things. They just assume that they are meant to find their soul-mate and something, some higher power, will make sure that it happens. So in order to believe in a soul-mate, you would have to believe in a higher power. Fate, God, karma or something.

What about us atheists? Is there no hope for us? We can not deny a higher power and believe in a soul-mate at the same time. It is not rational. So are we doomed to hopelessness or is there an alternative belief system?

I prefer to believe that there are no soul-mates, that there are many people in the world with which you may be compatible. It is true that a few people find that person who suits them best and they have their happily ever after, but it is rare and unlikely. Most people either never get married, go through a series of divorces, or remain married to someone who, they eventually find, they are not happy with. I don’t think this is depressing, necessarily. It is just reality.

I think the lesson that we have to learn from this is that we have to be our own soul-mate. If you can become a whole person, content with yourself and not believing that you need someone else to complete you, then it will be much easier to find someone to share that with. I suppose the next question is, how do you become that whole person? For that, I have no answer.

3 Comments leave one →
  1. Jason permalink
    March 25, 2008 8:49 pm

    I don’t believe in soulmates. I think it’s about finding someone who makes you feel good, you can do the same for them, and you can help each other reach your goals. I don’t think there’s one single person who fits that. No way.

    Also, I think it’s odd to try to find someone who can be happy with you if you can’t be happy with yourself. Which just falls under a broader idea that I have where it’s unfair to expect anything from anyone that you’re not willing to do yourself.

  2. March 25, 2008 11:05 pm

    Right on. The entire notion of soulmates has always been a ridiculous fairytale.

    It comes down to this: each person is a collection of traits and experiences that defines who they are and how they react. When you take two people, you have a level of compatibility determined by these traits.

    Why people can’t figure this out is beyond me, but you’d think it’d save some tears for some people.

    Then again, the “soulmate” thing is a way to make yourself feel important, so I imagine that’s one reason why the meme doesn’t die so easily.

  3. City permalink
    March 28, 2008 1:11 am

    I read it.

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