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Unsexy Striptease

June 12, 2009

On the one the womens websites that I regularly view, I found an article today on giving a striptease. At the end, it also gave tips for an unsexy striptease. Those were much more entertaining to read. Here they are.

  • Promise your close one a striptease. Assure them you will be taking off many, many layers of clothing. The trick is to wear far more layers of clothing than you promise to take off. Include a duvet as your top layer. Shuffle onto your stage area in the bedroom wearing a duvet like a big fabric slug. Do your strip as sexily as possible. Stop at t-shirt and jeans. Flirtatiously reveal a tiny bit of tummy under your t-shirt. Then run off.
  • Do a striptease, of sorts, but ensure that the bits of skin you are delicately revealing are not your standard erogenous zones. Elbows, behind the ear, knees and armpits are good.
  • Pretend you are an animal while you’re stripping. Keep changing which animal you’re pretending to be. Your partner gets extra points if they can guess the animal correctly. Good animals to go for are gorilla, lizard and giraffe. If your chosen animal is ‘moth’ and they manage to guess it, congratulations to both of you.
  • Strip fully naked in front of your lover while wearing a cardboard box on your head. It will freak them out. Unless they fancy themselves as Daddy Frank in Blue Velvet, in which case, don’t strip – run.
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